Spending one on one time with your kids is essential. It presents an example of social skills, an example of parenting for their later use, and most importantly, fosters a relationship with your child. You’re creating memories – make them count!
How do you do this? What if you have more than one child? What if they have special needs? I just don’t have time! I don’t have any money!
These are all just excuses when you come right down to it. Relationships are hard. As the parent, the onus is on you to make it work. Frankly – that’s a lot of pressure.
First, take a good hard look at your schedule. It sounds silly, I mean these kids are with you all the time. Do it anyway. Then decide on a routine time frame. Depending on how many kids you have, it might be a monthly “date” or a weekly one. Write it down. No, really, write it down. It’s blocked. Nothing may be scheduled there, and the only thing that can bump it out of place is an emergency. A real emergency. Every kid gets a regular appointment.
Now, if you have a weekly date, then perhaps every other month you can do something “big.” Like a museum or a movie or some such. The rest of the time, it’s just about being together. Depending on your child’s abilities, it could just mean taking your dinner away from the rest of the family and having a picnic together in the backyard. It could mean extended story time in a private room with the door shut. A board game, card game, or puzzle – just the two of you. Make sure that you explain to the other kids that this is your date night with this one child. They’ll get their turn, but they need to not interrupt and respect the child’s time. If your funds allow it, though, it’s best to take them out. Dinner someplace inexpensive, the park, a walk… The point is to take them out of the other distractions, such as the other parent, other kids, homework, TV, and the like and talk.
Really, the actual doing it isn’t difficult. What’s difficult is taking the time out of your routines and schedules to make it happen. Remember though, once you get into the groove it’ll be part of the routine, and second nature to everyone! If you’re running into obstacles to doing this, let us know in the comments! If we brainstorm together, we can come up with some solutions.
My 8 year old son has a book report due. He asked me to help him choose a good read. “Nothing boring”. In the very deep recesses of my mind, I remembered Matilda, the outrageously courageous 4 year old who super-glued her father’s nasty hat to his head among other escapades.
Listening to peals of laughter from him as he read the book convinced my husband that he needed to re-read Matilda. And my jealousy of Father and Son who were now in on all the good jokes convinced me to join the club.
What fun! I was laughing. Out loud. It was so much fun being a kid again and thought provoking to look at the world from the perspective of a small child. I was reminded of how giant and scary and controlling adults can be. The Trunchbull (the nasty principal who dangles children by their braids – upside down) was downright terrifying. Unless you were as intrepid as Matilda and willing to punish adult misdeeds behind the scenes, you were incarcerated. Hopeless. The adults never believed their children’s tales from school- or were downright nasty themselves.
I stared soul searching when my son innocently asked “If the Trunchbull was my teacher and I told you what she did to us, would you believe me?” Gosh, do you believe everything your child complains about?! So I became more understanding of my children. At least for a day. I was reminded of the importance to really listen when they talk. Make eye contact. Show and really feel empathy; “you seem so sad, I would feel sad if that happened to me”. Little people have big people feelings. Instead of responding to outrageous requests with “NO. Why? because I am THE MOTHER” I gave more choices “do you want to go to sleep now, or now?” kidding — more like “do you want to sleep in your pink pjs or your nightgown”?
Alas, my adult instincts returned rather quickly as I found myself lecturing my brood about the definition of f-i-c-t-i-o-n, and what is NEVER to be tried at home, after I overheard the conversation he had with his 6 and 4 year old sisters ” Yes, she glued the hat to his head. Crazy glue- you know- in the kitchen drawer, very, very strong”.
Alas, we all grow up at some point. I hope my son does not find this analysis to use for his book report (due next week…) And now, on to James and the Giant Peach…
Protecting our kids’ precious hearing is serious stuff. Providing our kids with noise reduction at high volume activities is important. Providing our kids that need sensory reduction is priceless.
Noise that creates problems for adults can be much harder on children.
It doesn’t matter if your kids need help with sensory disorders! All kids can benefit. Look at all those pictures of athlete’s and musician’s kids… Their kids are attending high volume events, and need protection. So do yours! We carry ear muffs here that can do the trick. Check them out, today!
It’s no surprise to you that obesity exists. It’s all over the news. The question, really, is what are you going to do about it in your own house?
Whether you have obesity in your own family or not, it’s time to take steps to bring the weight down, or keep the weight off. The best way to do it? As a family!
Plan kid friendly healthy menus, and get the kids involved. Give them choices in their vegetables and fruits and they’ll be more likely to eat them. Go over healthy recipes with them and let them pick out the menu. Take them shopping to help pick the produce. Get them in the kitchen and have them help you prepare the meal with anything that’s age appropriate. I have picky eaters at my house, and that really helped get them to eat – they wanted to consume the fruits of their labor. Create a backyard garden and enlist them in getting dirty. If you can’t – try an indoor window herb garden.
Get active. Take walks if you can. Play physical games outside, or go to an indoor playground. Don’t just watch, though – participate! Try to think of a physical hobby you all can participate in. You’ll be making memories while keeping a healthy body.
Maintaining your health is, of course, important. You want to be there for your kids. But just as important is the example you’ll be setting up for their own future healthy life.
You’re busy. I know that. We all are! s parents of kids with special needs, we probably see the interior design of more doctors, therapists, specialists, etc. than we should. But let’s not forget one important component – YOUR health! So ask some family, friends, or a respite care worker to watch the kids, and get thee to a doctor. ho’s going to take care of your family if you don’t take care of you first? Here’s a list of some important tests to have – even if you’re healthy!
WOMEN:
Are you up on your vaccinations?
Cervical Cancer – if you’re sexually active and under the age of 65
Blood Pressure Screening – all ages
Skin Checks – all ages
Breast Cancer – if you’re 40+, sooner if you have increased risks, such as a family history
Cholesterol – if you’re 45+, and have risk factors such as diabetes, hypertension, or cardiovascular disease in your family.
Colorectal Cancer – if you’re 50+
Blood Sugar – if you’re 60+, earlier if you have diabetic risk factors
Osteoporosis – if you’re 65+, 60 if you’ve got risk for fractures that you already know about
In addition to these, be sure to get your vision, hearing, and dental checkups!
MEN:
Are you up on your vaccinations?
Blood Pressure Screening – all ages
Skin Checks – all ages
Cholesterol – if you’re 35+, and have risk factors such as diabetes, hypertension, or cardiovascular disease in your family.
Colorectal Cancer – if you’re 50+
Prostate Cancer – if you’re 50+
Blood Sugar – if you’re 60+, earlier if you have diabetic risk factors
In addition to these, be sure to get your vision, hearing, and dental checkups!
A New York Times article spawned an idea for a post. Finances. How do you pay for what your kid needs?
We reached out to our various social media outlets to see what you parents do. The dichotomy of responses has led to this post. What I found was, well… Nothing consistent!
My family has used varied methods. My son, Logan, who has a heart condition, is paid by medical insurance. In the case of inability to pay, the state (California) is supposed to pay, as he has a congenital condition which will effect him the rest of his life. At least that’s the way it was when he was born seven years ago. With the status of the economy in my state now, though, I haven’t a clue if that’s still the case. My oldest son, Joseph, son has mental issues, with learning disabilities. That’s been a complicated mix of the state mental health board, school district, and medical insurance. Other than copays, I haven’t had to pay anything out of pocket.
So we reached out to others on Facebook, Twitter, and my personal blog. Here are some of the responses we received:
School district, and us…we have to pay for the psychiatrist out of pocket…he doesn’t take our insurance. Joy.
As insurance worker (major co) – #autism Treatment under 3 = instant denial. Over 3 often denied for lack of med necessity. But friends I reached out to in PA have Medical Access, which is pretty good.
I just spent 130 bucks on therapy stuff that they don’t have in the classroom. Owieeee! I’m desperate to help out my kid though. He’s having a rotten experience in Kindergarten.
We actually had to stop therapy at one point. It wasn’t working after 4 years, the doctor was unwilling to consider another diagnosis, and our budget was beyond strapped with $100 a visit (after insurance) and driving an hour one way each week.
We were just in a position to pay out of pocket for a new evaluation by an out of network provider, get a new and what I feel is a correct diagnosis, and begin the whole process all over again. Our insurance won’t cover everything so we will be applying for a medical card based on disability for our son.
When I see these responses I can make a few observations. Serious parental advocacy (Yay!) Lack of resources. Incomplete coverage. Lack of cohesion or consistency. My personal experience also says that medical companies don’t quite know what to do with mental costs.
What are YOUR experiences? Let us know! We’re interested in hearing from you. Please, also let us know your state. We’re particularly interested in the differences in approach by the various state agencies, companies, and schools.
We all have emotions. We get mad. We get sad. We get depressed, angry, anxious, shy, happy, fearful… It’s life! Well – your kids do too. However, when they’re dealing with other issues, such as autism or sensory issues or even learning disorders, they have trouble both identifying and expressing what it is they are feeling. If they can’t express their feelings, they can’t work through it, and we can’t help them solve or overcome a problem.
From a parental perspective (remember – I’m a special needs parent, not a therapist!) I think the easiest way to help is to try and enforce feedback. “You look sad…” “You’re acting angry…” Try to draw out words from your child. If the child doesn’t have the vocabulary or ease in verbal expression, try to feed some words that will help him or her recognize what they are feeling and put a name to it. Perhaps they’re happy or excited! Do the same thing when you have shifts in mood or feeling, so you’re modeling the ways of self-expression.
If your child is not verbal and you notice serious emotion of some kind, break out the expressive tools. Get paper and paints or markers, and have them show you how they feel. Explain that you want to understand what they are feeling, and help them. You can assure your child that a wonderful thing is about to happen. “Once you share those feelings, you’ll begin to feel better. Promise!”
When you have kids with special needs, you have paperwork. Period. Whether their needs are medical only, or educational as well, you have paperwork from the doctors, the insurance, the school, the IEPs, and more.
You also probably have enough “Parental Rights” notices to wallpaper your living room.
Keeping that paperwork organized is important! Nurses get doctors’ orders wrong. Doctors need to be reminded what they said. You need the stuff available to do your own research. Administrators and facilitators misplace things. When something goes wrong, you can prove what’s supposed to happen, because you have the paperwork – and you can put your hands on it.
Let me tell you what I have done, and then I’ll present a couple of options for you. We have two sons. One son has strictly medical needs. We have lots of test results, referrals, and copay notices. My other son has both medical and educational needs, so his records include IEPs, meeting notices, signature pages, and testing. I finally decided on a binder system. For each child, I have two large binders. One is for school involved stuff (including report cards, etc,) and one is medical. I use binder dividers, per year. 2010 is at the front, 2009 is next etc. I don’t organize inside of that. All the paperwork goes in the proper year, with most recent on top. This keeps all the paperwork out of the rest of the household files, in one place, and at my fingertips when an administrator inevitably misplaces something. My method works for my family. You’ll only use it if it works.
I did a search on your behalf to find out if others have different methods of handling the paperwork. Some various tips I found:
Regardless of method, keep it consistent. No method will work without consistency.
Regardless of method, give it a home. It stays there unless you’re taking the records with you to an appointment.
You might consider a permanent portion, and a mobile portion. IE: Keeping insurance EOB’s and bills already paid in a stationary file, and prescriptions, current IEP, current referrals in a binder to take with you.
There are others who disagree with me on this, but as a mom, I suggest NOT getting rid of the records after a certain amount of time. Perhaps for financial things, yes (ask your accountant and tax advisor,) but with my kids, I find having a really long over time picture of what’s going on that’s documented helpful with both diagnosis and prognosis.
Find the time to do it. When you pay your bills, or when you do the rest of your filing… Just do it. Weekly, if you’re really heavy on appointments and therapies at the moment.
Have a logbook or notepad, and note dates, times, and names of phone conversations. You may never need it – on the other hand, you really might.
Another method I ran into. Digital! I’m honestly considering this option. In this case, the only hardcopies you would keep would be “originals.” Original prescriptions (as the pharmacy needs the original,) and anything that is an original, not copied, signature for example. The rest you would scan, organize on your computer, and then place on a CD or flash drive. This way, you save on space, and if you organize the titles of the documents with proper descriptions and dates, you can put your hands on the file again if needed. Using the flash drive or CD will back up the data should your hard drive crash.
This does not need to be complicated, or expensive. Pick a method, stick with it, and adjust it to suit your family and your personal organizational objectives. You can do it.
…Bug has 2 broken feet due to JRA weekening the ligaments in his feet. He went down a slide at school and both feet broke! He is in a wheelchair and very angry and anxious sence he is such an active kid. The pain from the arthritis is made worse due to his autism and celiacs. He is so upset about this that he is causing himself to get sick. I am at my wits end as to how to help him…<errors are from original post>
There’s more at the post. Some people have sent gluten free food, some have sent monetary donations, and some have sent cards and well wishes. Can you do something? We love to see kids smile around here.
It depends on what part of the country you’re in, but judging the news… There’s quite a few of you out there with Snow Days. Have you noticed the phenomenon of when your kids get cabin fever, it seems that you’ve doubled your offspring count? I know it does with me. I feel like I’ve suddenly got 4 boys instead of 2, and all four are whining about being bored.
On top of the cabin fever is the reality that kids need exercise. Couple that with your Snow Day, and there’s a need to solve a problem (along with your sanity.) They need some active play! Quiet play is great, kids also need that physical action.
Gross motor balls and balance toys is an indoor option. Make it a game – whomever can stay balanced longer might get a prize! Or encourage them to make their own play while balancing. Can you stay balanced while being attacked by pirates?
Trampolines and bouncer toys are great energy zappers too. Although I may just be suggesting that because of Freddy Frog who I think is just adorable.
If you have the room for it, a gross moter scooter would be great. Indoor scooter hockey!
Get out the tumbling mats! Practice those somersaults and headstands safely. Or if you hang out and help, they can soar to new heights. I personally remember my dad making me supergirl on his feet.
When push comes to shove though, jumping jacks, running in place, crunches, etc. are all valid choices. Or – put one of your old (or new – it IS January) workout dvds on. They’ll have fun because of the music, and if you do it with them – all the better, ’cause you just made it fun.
Fun had. Energy expended. Parent still sane. That’s the point, right?
Sensory Integration
We all have emotions. We get mad. We get sad. We get depressed, angry, anxious, shy, happy, fearful… It’s life! Well – your kids do too. However, when they’re dealing with other issues, such as autism or sensory issues or even learning disorders, they have trouble both identifying and expressing what it is they are feeling. If they can’t express their feelings, they can’t work through it, and we can’t help them solve or overcome a problem.
