The chaos of packing, airport crowds and security, lengthy car rides and yes, even overexposure to family and friends is enough to erode any holiday traveler’s festive spirit. Add traveling with children into the equation, especially when special needs are involved, and some parents might wish they could just stay home. But a few preparations, says Fun and Function LLC founder Aviva Weiss, can go a long way toward ensuring a good time for everyone.

Traveling disrupts routines and familiarity with the surrounding environment and can be difficult for children with special needs notes Weiss, a certified pediatric occupational therapist. A mother of four, including a daughter with sensory processing disorder, she says parents of special needs children can pave the way toward less stressful trips by observing these ten guidelines:

1. Prepare the child in advance as much as possible. Practice for the trip for a period leading up to the actual travels. Talk about the upcoming experience to help your child overcome anxiety. Act out or role play anticipated events in advance, from taking off shoes for airport security to applauding after a toast.

2. Redirect anxious energy into constructive activity. To take the edge off the potential anxiety of seeing many less familiar faces all at once, make the event a fun and educational by creating a special activity. Create a small photo album featuring people who will be at the event, and help your child play “Family Bingo,” checking off each person he or she greets or sees across the room. Or, create a pictogram of your itinerary or agenda and help your child follow along.

3. Encourage creative expression. For those able to write or draw, a pocket journal or sketchbook for illustrating what they’re experiencing can provide another useful outlet. Children who are more observers than participants may appreciate assignments such as taking pictures with a digital camera.

4. Don’t expect perfection. Whenever you travel with children, it’s best to “expect the unexpected,” or at least leave room for something to pop up to divert you from your agenda.

5. Secure an extra set of hands. Try traveling with a friend, family member or caregiver to help keep things in order when you’re on the move, provide manpower for carrying belongings and an extra set of eyes, and even make bathroom breaks with multiple children an easier task.

6. Manage expectations for you and your hosts. A pending visit from a special needs child may produce stress for the host as well as the child and the parent. Prepare everyone by communicating your child’s needs in advance and asking for some general ground rules for inside the home, as a gesture toward making the visit as pleasant and peaceful as possible.

7. Bring along some “friends.” Pack a bag of objects that are fun and familiar. Sensory gadgets/fidgets, noise reduction headphones, weighted vests, or favorite belongings from home will help filter out outside stimuli and provide a comforting connection to “home.”

8. Minimize changes to eating habits. Try to keep your child’s diet consistent to prevent constipation, indigestion, allergic reactions or other adverse developments. Feed your child something satisfying to comfort them before a long trip, and take along favorite utensils as a connection to more familiar situations. Don’t expect your child to sit for an entire meal. Rather, prepare a spot where he or she can rest, play or calm down while the meal continues.

9. RX for safer travels. Ready a medicine kit with prescriptions, medical information and OTC products to confront fevers, allergies, cuts and other issues that may surface when you travel out of your home.

10. Preserve the moment but reserve time for breaks. The ingredients of posing for pictures - people huddled close together, bright flashes, noise and the need to stay still - can lead to overstimulation. Don’t oblige your child to participate in all the photos, and be sure to take breaks in between.

Traveling with a special needs child - or any child, for that matter -needn’t be a stressful event. In fact, it can be a great experience, offering lessons and fond memories for all. The keys are to prepare everyone in advance, include a few fun and familiar items and activities, and above all remember that it takes time and patience to learn how to manage change.

We all have emotional and physical needs, but as adults, we can (hopefully) identify our needs and address them. We can choose to take a coffee break, exercise, eat, take a bathroom break and speak with a friend or family member.

Children on the other hand, have very little control of their lives. Adults tell them what, where, when and how to do. The equation is simple: Emotional or Physical Needs +Decreased Control= Anxiety and Frustration.

Remember, children are little people with human needs. They benefit from choices and some control in their daily lives. Children deserve empathy and respect. Children deserve to be heard. Their feelings are real and their anxieties and frustrations have a root cause.

When you are calm and prepared, it’s easier for the child because he/she can sense your anxiety.

cognitive/reasoning skills
receptive and expressive language
developing vocabulary and spelling
use of prepositions and ordinals- fist, then, after
following multi-step directions
delayed gratification
peer interaction
working in a group
turn taking skills
resolving conflict
maintaining attention to task
setting and achieving goals
decision making

Tips when playing with kids with special needs:

-Be prepared to simplify the game and break it down to fewer steps
-Clearly outline instructions one task at a time and demonstrate to the child. If needed, clearly illustrate the steps on paper in addition to demonstration.
-Some children get overwhelmed when interacting with others, so start with a smaller group of 2-3 people and allow the child to be successful before growing the group.
-Encourage child to look at opponents/peers and when appropriate say “my turn” or “your turn” or “good job”
-Pair children with different strengths and weaknesses and encourage them to coach each other as part of “teamwork”
-Praise healthy peer interaction, and positive behavior
-Recap positive lessons learned

Cognitive science literature shows that in fact, the tendency to perseverate is observed not only in autistic individuals but in most normal adults along a continuum. In one very early study of behavioral rigidity (Morrow, 1946) older adults between ages 58-73 showed very extreme forms of perseveration during a card sorting task with changing rules. All of these subjects persisted in an unsuccessful rule despite repeated negative feedback over many trials. This work suggests that as people mature and experience more of life, they develop routines that often provide a certain sense of familiarity and comfort. These same habits, however, may also hardwire the brain to respond to situations in a predictable manner that does not leave room for new approaches or perspectives. A more recent study (Diamond & Kirkham, 2005) demonstrates that even younger adults show a tendency for “attentional inertia,” as revealed by longer reaction times for all responses that required a change in perspective compared to responses that followed an identical pattern. In other words, there is a normal cognitive bias toward our previous thoughts, behaviors, or responses -which explains the difficulty many normal adults have in seeing multiple perspectives to a question or problem - it is hard to adapt to a novel approach.

In a more general sense, most normal individuals experience discomfort with changes in routine. We all have different levels of tolerance for change and learn to appreciate our needs and work around them in order to adapt smoothly to the constant flux that is life. Perhaps we surround ourselves with friends during a difficult transition, bring familiar mementos when moving to a new place, or comfort ourselves with favorite books, foods, or music when encountering an unfamiliar situation that is threatening.

Appreciating the resistance to change that is in ourselves can help us relate to children who seem exceptionally rigid and who become agitated by transitions that are a part of everyday life. Be sympathetic to their reactions to unpredictability in their environments and anticipate that these situations will be challenging. Scripts that detail what the individual can expect are extremely helpful and can be used as a basis for problem solving and brainstorming (e.g., What time is our flight? How long will we be on the plane? What can we do if the flight is delayed?). Prepare comfort toys, books, or routines for a difficult situation or for other changes that may be overwhelming for the child or adult. Most importantly, remember that humans are creatures of habit and that the tendency toward perseveration is natural - use your own life experiences to develop an appreciation of the challenge of change and to identify means of coping that have been helpful for you and that can be used to help others.

It’s been a while since my last post…I’ve been enjoying the summer with my children and have neglected some of my weekly rituals. Since the last post much has happened. The buzz is spreading- Fun and Function made it to the About Special Needs home page! I’ve been to the emergency room with two naughty girls who pilfered the Children’s Tylenol and had a tasting session. Last week the two year old intentionally stuck a pine cone up her nose. I was not prepared for that stunt, it’s not mentioned in What to Expect About Parenting or anything. Oh, and in between the drama I’ve been having fun at Fun and Function and just returned from the National Autism Conference at Penn State. Stay tuned for images. And hey- don’t stick anything foreign up your nose. It’s not pleasant, I promise.

If you are not familiar with ADD the second two options might sound dizzying. But for kids with ADD they are real methods of learning and being productive. So the challenge for kids with ADD is to survive school with intact self-esteem and to figure out how to squeeze into the neat little box of learning required for the standard classroom.

Why do children need to sit in school? What’s wrong with sitting and standing stations? Motor breaks? If ADD brains just work differently, why are they disordered?

More to come…

Take my friend M. for example. She took her child to a neurologist due to her concerns with the baby’s poor development. Dr. Neurologist met with M. and announced all the grim possibilities and ordered an MRI. M. received no return call after the procedure for days. She called the office at the highly reputable hospital multiple times and was left on hold for 30-40 minutes at a time. Turns out, after a week of agonizing waiting and calling, Dr. Neurologist left a curt message. “The test is normal”. Slam.

Imagine this: M. meets Dr. Neurologist with concerns about her baby. Dr. Neurologist examines the baby and offers his expert opinion with words of hope. ” We will get to the bottom of this, and I am here to answer any questions. I will call you as soon as the results become available”. M. waits for two days for results. She receives a warm call from the Dr. “I’m am delighted to tell you that the results are normal.”

Words are so powerful.

Today, a full year later, my daughter skipped happily into school to enjoy her last day. She can run with confidence. She can pump on a swing and attempts to climb the monkey bars. She enjoys the see-saw (on condition that there is a very gentle soul on the other side). I can calmly sit at the playground without her constant hovering, and whimpering and yanking. She is independent in the bathroom. She is happy and confident. She has friends.

Cindi Galvano her physical therapist, Pat Lobb her occupational therapist, and the wonderful caring teachers patiently taught her to climb stairs, run with ease, pump on a swing, jump, climb, and walk the halls at school without the fear of falling. They slowly taught her to engage with the other children without fear. They coached her to use her words. They encouraged and gave confidence. They wiped away her tears and were understanding throughout her downs. Week in and out, one skill at a time, they helped my daughter scale the highest mountains. I could not ask for more.

Thank you.